just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
