Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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