He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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