It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
