Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
