You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
