Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
