forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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