I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
