So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
