EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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