what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
