she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize