I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Congratulations! We have a period
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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