My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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