I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize