This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
