I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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