there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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