remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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