Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize