Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
