I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
