There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
