I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
