fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize