I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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