trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
its liver damage thursday
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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