just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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