I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
