My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
