so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
