theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
