I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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