bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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