so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
