i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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