she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
