If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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