the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
