He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize