Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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