Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
