I think scott just propositioned me for sex
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
