I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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