i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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