took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
