Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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