I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize