we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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