I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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