I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
