Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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