Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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