Your tits are I can't wait for
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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