So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
