I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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