I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
