they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
