I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's always time for handjobs
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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