I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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