I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
