Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's never too late to be topless.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize