everyone is single if you try hard enough
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize