dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
