That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize