I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
