I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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