She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize