there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
