so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
