we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
