Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
