im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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