"it" just moved
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
